


Stay

by aurevoirchat



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Minor Character Death, Sad, Suicide, Terminal Illnesses, idk what else to tag lmao, this is just really sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-05-05 15:25:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5380265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurevoirchat/pseuds/aurevoirchat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Zayn meet when they're kids, and they might just fall in love</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stay

**Author's Note:**

> lmao i just wanted to write a really sad fic so here it is ! sorry if it sucks it's my first fic

They first met when they were kids. 

Zayn was quietly coloring in the hulk, his favorite superhero, poking his tongue out as he concentrated on staying inside the lines like his dad had tried to teach him to the night before his first day of daycare, giggling at him when he got frustrated when he couldn't quite keep the crayon inside of the black lines. He sighed as deeply as his little lungs would let him when a bit of green crossed outside of the outline of the hulk, carefully putting the grassy green crayon away before pulling his knees up to his chest and putting his head down, trying his hardest to hold back his frustrated tears.

Harry was placing the triangular block on the top of his block castle when he heard a little whimper come from the arts and crafts section of the small daycare. He look around the small shelf that held all the toys and saw that one of the smaller kids was sobbing quietly at the little plastic table with the crayons and coloring books.

Harry picked out the most beautiful flower he could find from the dress up toy bin and decided to give it to the boy, being polite like his mummy had told him to the night before, though she knew he would be as polite as he could because Harry was just a nice kid. 

Harry tapped him on the arm to get his attention, though he immediately scolded himself because his mum told him that it was rude to touch people without asking them first. So Harry squeaked out a “sorry!” and held the flower out in front of him, though he retracted it almost immediately and started crying himself.

“What's wrong?” Zayn asked, his voice lilting with intrigue as to why the strange boy in front of him just burst into tears.

“Y-your eyes are just so pretty a-and now I can't give you the flower 'cause it's not as pretty as you” Harry admitted in between hysterical sobs.

Zayn giggled, telling Harry that that's a silly thing to cry about, which just made Harry cry harder. Zayn pulled Harry into the tightest hug that his thin arms would allow, remembering how his dad always gave him hugs when he'd cry.

“'S ok” Zayn comforted, patting Harry's back as he sobbed into his shoulder “I think the flower's really pretty”

“Y-yeah?” Harry asked, sniffling as he pulled away from Zayn's embrace.

“Yeah” Zayn assured “'M Zayn by the way” he held his tiny hand out, just like they did in the movies when they introduced themselves.

“Harry” he replied, pulling him in for another hug instead, which Zayn accepted with a smile.

“Can I stay here and color with you?” Harry asked after a moment, his eyes bright and eager to spend time with his new friend.

Zayn nodded and mumbled “Yeah, you can stay”

And Harry stayed.

He stayed through the best moments of Zayn's life, like when he got accepted to one of the most prestigious art colleges in England. 

They had celebrated his acceptance with a bottle of wine that Harry stole from his mum, which Harry ended up dropping when Zayn kissed his neck and scared him. Zayn's mum had scolded Harry playfully while his dad just laughed at them and ruffled Harry's already unruly hair when he started apologizing profusely.

He stayed when Zayn got an award for his abstract sculpture that Harry had convinced him to try making when they were fooling around at four in the morning the week before. 

Zayn smiled into the mic as he gave a bullshit speech about how his muse was the way the sun rose after a stormy night as he looked at Harry in the front row of the audience, their eyes shining like the stars the stars Harry droned on about every night they'd stay up late enough to see them.

He stayed when Zayn asked him to go to his sisters' wedding with him, his voice wavering even though he knew Harry would say yes and then tease him for being nervous. 

They both wore blue tuxes, both of them giggling the day of the wedding as they remembered sneaking away from Zayn's dad in the middle of the fitting to make out in a supply closet. 

They both got drunk of off a bottle of vodka that they took from the bartender while everyone was dancing and Harry sobbed about how much he loved Zayn while he puked into a trash can, and although Zayn laughed, he told Harry that he loved him just as much.

He stayed through the worst moments of Zayn's life, like when his dad killed himself. 

He left individual notes to everyone, including Harry, saying just how much and why he loved each and everyone one of them, but he couldn't take anymore and had to go. 

He held Zayn every time he would start sobbing, he held him for months and went to the store to get groceries for them when Zayn's mum just couldn't get out of bed that day. 

He helped Zayn write his father's eulogy when Zayn's mum asked him to with teary eyes and a tight hug. He helped Zayn wipe his eyes when Zayn broke down after the funeral, made him clean himself up because he had to go see the rest of his family and Harry knew that they would make him feel better than he could at that moment. Harry held Zayn all through the night, holding him as tight as he could as if holding him tighter could make the pain go away.

He stayed when Zayn got hit by a drunk driver. 

He sat by his side the entire time he was in the hospital, although Zayn told him that he'd just broken his leg and he didn't need to be so dramatic about it. He watched movies with Zayn and brought him any comic book he wanted so that he wouldn't get bored during his stay at the hospital. Harry helped Zayn get used to the crutches, although he would tickle Zayn's sides every time he used them so he'd lose balance and Harry would have to catch him. Zayn would pretend to be mad every time but he'd always lean into Harry's embrace a bit more every time he did it.

He stayed when Zayn came in to get his cast off and the doctor told them that she had bad news.

“Is it not healing properly?” Zayn questioned as he wiggled his toes at Harry, making them both giggle. 

“Oh no, your leg's fine” the doctor responded, giving a faint smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

“Then what is it?” Harry asked, his eyebrows knitting together in concern.

“I'm so sorry Mr. Malik, but you've got a brain tumor”

He stayed as Zayn lost his hair. He made Harry shave it off after it started falling out because “we might as well get it over with”. Harry's hand shook as he watched Zayn's hair fall to the ground, knowing that it would be the last time he would ever see the love of his life with the inky black hair that he loved to run his hands through. 

Harry sat with him during every appointment, watching Zayn get worse and worse over just a few months. He laid silently with him on the uncomfortable hospital bed when he got an unbearable migraine, just holding him as he cried through the pain. 

He stayed when Zayn would forget him. Sometimes Harry would go take a shower and he'd come back and Zayn would ask him if he was a night nurse, then saying that it was a stupid question because he isn't wearing scrubs. Harry would play along every time, acting like a stranger as he swallowed the lump in his throat, listening to Zayn retell his life to him over and over. 

Harry would forgive him every time he remembered, saying he was sorry over and over until they were both just sobbing into each other, not sure how Harry was going to live without Zayn.

“Harry” Zayn rasped one night, his throat raw from sobbing after he'd forgotten who his mum was.

“Hey sunshine” Harry responded immediately, painting a smile on his face even though Zayn knew it wasn't real.

“Promise me that you'll stay, even after I'm gone” Zayn begged, his hand clasping Harry's tightly as fresh tears sprung into his eyes.

“Zayn-” 

“Just promise, please” Zayn begged before Harry could say anything.

“I'll stay” Harry promised, kissing Zayn softly as he wondered if he really would.

He stayed when Zayn died. 

He walked into Zayn's hospital room with coffee and a copy of avengers in his hand, knowing that the combination would brighten Zayn's day even if he didn't remember. He opened the door to find Zayn's mum and sisters huddled around him, unplugged form all the machines around him. He calmly set the coffee down on the bedside table and grabbed Zayn's cold hand, only bursting into tears when his fingers didnt wrap around his in return, like they always had.

He stayed for the funeral.

He stepped behind the small podium and opened the piece of paper, the one containing the eulogy he'd wrote the night before, that he'd been clutching since they first came, before folding it back up and placing it in his pocket.

Harry cleared his throat and spoke gently into the mic, speaking the way he'd only speak to Zayn when they were up too late or had too much to drink and they were too caught up in themselves to think straight.

“Zayn was more than just a friend, or a boyfriend, or any person. He was more than just the superheroes he loved or the sketches he would draw on the side of his notebook when he was supposed to be paying attention in class. He was more than silly faces and the way he would speak so gently sometimes that it would just make you cry. He was more than the warm hugs he gave you when you needed it the most, more than the artistic tattoos inked into his skin. Zayn was the love of my life, he was the thing I thought about every night before I fell asleep and every morning just as I woke up. 

I can't go through daily life without remembering Zayn. I remember him when I smell his favorite coffee brewing in the morning, and how he would pretend to be mad at me every time I would drink it but he'd let me have the last bit if there wasn't enough for both of us.

I remember him when I sleep at night. I remember how warm he was every time we cuddled and how he refused to let me go even in his sleep and how nothing can replace the feeling of him laying beside me. I can't will myself to sleep without him next to me.

Everything I do reminds me of Zayn. Everything from eating dinner without him to watching the sunrise like when we would do when we were up way too late and we'd complain the next morning even though we had no one to blame but ourselves.

I love Zayn, present tense, because I will always have him in my heart. I'll miss him more than I've ever missed anything, but I want, more than anything, to thank him. 

Thank you, Zayn Malik, for being the biggest part of my life. Thank you for making me a better person, and thank you more than anything for loving me unconditionally, and letting me give you all the love I could possibly give you in return.”

Harry stepped away from the podium, pulling out the most beautiful flower he could find from the dress up toy bin, the same one he gave Zayn the day they first met, and set it on top of his casket along with the bouquets of beautiful flowers.

“I don't regret staying” Harry said softly, quietly, just loud enough for him to hear, before walking away. 

Harry died that night.

He took all of the pills he could find in their flat and put on a playlist he made of Zayn's favorite songs. He sobbed and cried and replayed their entire life together in his head, whispering “I'm sorry” into the dark for breaking the promise he made to Zayn.

He stayed until he couldn't stay anymore.


End file.
